Molly and Lilly have been together since 2014 and married since 2018. They adopted a little girl, now eight years old, and are in the final stages of adopting a little boy, aged two.
Molly kindly talked to us about her experience of adoption, becoming parents for the first time, the positives and challenges of the adoption process, and finally having the family she never thought she would have.
Molly says:
"Before I met Lilly, I think I was still coming to terms with my own sexuality. I’d known since I was thirteen, but I didn’t do anything about it and didn’t even speak about it, I was so worried about what other people’s reactions might be.
Lilly and I met online. I think our relationship was meant to be because Lilly’s subscription to the dating site had expired but she was somehow still able to access the emails. We chatted via email for a while and for our first date we went to the cinema to watch Paddington. We’ve been together ever since.
I’d always wanted a family, and adoption was always the option that felt right for us. We thought that it was a way to build our family but also help a little person who needed a family at the same time.
The process for us was a positive experience. I do understand that some people can find it challenging as you do have to be prepared to share a lot of information about yourself and there were times when we felt like we were answering the same questions 97 times.
Friends were often surprised by what we had to go through to adopt, and we often heard the phrase, ‘but lots of people could just decide to have a child without any of this’ but we understood why it was needed. We knew that the children waiting to be adopted had already faced a difficult start in life and that the point of all the checks and questions was to make sure we were matched with the right little person.
So, we were never dismissive of the process, and we respected that it needed to be done.
I felt like Together for Adoption were equally interested in checking in on our wellbeing too and making sure that we were ok, which helped.
We’re just at the final stages of our second adoption now and it’s been interesting as we have found it more intense than the first time around. I think this is because time has moved on and additional bits of evidence are needed and adoption models have changed, so it does feel as if it has been a long process, but again, we understand why and we’ve felt supported throughout.
Our little girl was 14 months old when she came to live with us. Of course, it was a big change as it would be for any parent and whilst she was still very little, she wasn’t a baby, so she was already up and running and into everything. And if she was upset about something she couldn’t tell us why. And we wanted to make sure we were doing everything right, so if she hiccupped, we’d google it!
It was a bit of a shock to the system but at the same time it was wonderful, and she settled with us very quickly.
There have been so many highlights over the years. Her first word, ‘book’, the fact that she loves to eat broccoli and cauliflower, her first nativity play at school, the first time she was able to ride her bike. She’s such a beautiful, happy soul who loves being with other people, it’s been such a joy.
I think any challenges we had as a same sex couple came from us; they stemmed from our own worries.
Before our little girl started talking, we’d decided that she could call me, ‘Mummy’ and Lilly, ‘Mamma’ but in the end she called us both ‘Mummy’ and if the wrong person responded, she would just say, ‘Not you, the other one.’ It just wasn’t an issue.
Now she calls me, ‘Funny Mummy’ and Lilly, ‘Cute Mummy’ although she has reassured us that this doesn’t mean Lilly isn’t funny and I’m not cute!
There is a thing with forms, like with most official forms, they ask for the name of the ‘Mum’ and the ‘Dad’ and if one of us is out with our little girl on our own, we might be asked in conversation, ‘So what does her dad do?’, a person might make that assumption. But I just correct these situations and calmly explain our situation and then forget about it. We live in a heteronormative society and whilst things shouldn’t be this way, they are, so I don’t take offence and I move on.
I’m Catholic and our little girl goes to a lovely Catholic school, who have handled both the adoption and LGBT elements so well. I’ve been into the school and recommended some books about children who have two Mummies and they’ve bought them in. And on Fathers’ Day, I remind them about our family and so our little girl makes a card for Grandad instead. I think we are the only same sex parents at the school but most of the other children think she’s lucky to have two Mums!
My advice to other people who are thinking about adoption, especially if you’re from the LGBTQ+ community, is just to go for it. Be aware that it is a hard and potentially long process, but it is completely and utterly worth it.
I remember when I was going on adoption leave and my colleagues did a little presentation for me; it was very emotional because I just never thought that this would happen for me. I’d always wanted my own family and never thought that would be the way my life would work out. And it has.
I remember a few years ago, our little girl asked me if she could have a biscuit and I said, ‘What’s the special, important word?’ meaning, ‘Please’, and she said, ‘Adoption.’ Which sums it all up really".
To start your journey today, complete our online enquiry form or call our friendly team for more information on 01942 487272.
#YouCanAdopt
*Anonymous Adopter – Names and LA changed for confidentiality*